Potty Training vs. Potty Learning

For over a month now, Olivia has been sitting on Collin's old little potty before nap and bedtime, not because I make her, but because she thinks it's a fun, big girl thing to do. Sometimes she goes, and sometimes she doesn't. But lately, like over the past week or so, she's going at least once a day, and today it was three times! One of the times I was cooking dinner, and she actually walked over to me, said "pee-pee pah," and led me to the bathroom downstairs where she proceeded to pee after I removed her DRY diaper. I even made the comment, half jokingly, that Olivia is going to be potty trained before Collin. There is no way she is ready to do this for real, is there? I mean, we waited until two-and-a-half to do the "official potty training" with Collin, and here we are almost a year later, and he's still having multiple accidents a day (including the #2 - yuck!) without batting an eye.

This is sooo frustrating because there was good two-month period from August to October that he was wearing underwear and able to go a full day or two without an accident, and if he did have one, it was just one. Then it went downhill from there. I can't pinpoint a specific event that contributed to the change either. By the time he turned three in mid-November, we had pretty much given up and decided to go the laissez faire approach, totally backing off the kid and letting him navigate the whole process by himself. We didn't even mention potty, toilet, bathroom, etc. He went from using the toilet eight times a day to six to four to only two or one. After a few weeks of more and more accidents, we went back to pull-ups full time because I just couldn't do all the laundry anymore, and it wasn't fair to his school teachers to have to deal with his accidents either. This went on for months, and by mid-February, enough was enough. Time to be serious again and make this a priority. It's not like my son is just barely two; he's three and some change. Most kids his age are in preschool and staying dry all the time, even some at night.

So, it was back to underwear, only this time, if he had an accident, he would have to take care of it (unless it was #2...that can get messy fast with a three-year-old running the show). No sitting on any furniture or toys until the underwear was put in the laundry and changed into a dry pair. No playing "x" or watching "y" or eating "z" until he was clean and dry. I didn't yell at him or make him feel bad; I just stated the facts and encouraged him to do better next time. I thought for sure this would motivate Collin to just get to the bathroom because how could he possibly NOT mind changing his own peed pants and underwear? The answer is he doesn't. We've done this for two weeks now, and he is still peeing his pants...except for right before nap, right before bed, right after bed, and when he wakes up in the morning, the times of day when his brain is settling down and/or he needs an excuse to postpone bed or get out of bed. Hmmm...

As a high school English teacher, I have had many students, mostly boys, who were just like Collin. No, they weren't having accidents in their pants, thank God, but the way they approached their education was similar. These kids were the ones who aced every test and quiz but earn Ds and Fs on their report cards because they didn't do any homework, participate in class, or put forth much effort into the work they did in school. Though I wasn't surprised, they were always shocked when they got their report card. "But Mrs. Jennings! This is not fair! I obviously know the information you are teaching because I get A's on all the tests. Why should I do the work if I already know the material?"

On the surface, the student has a valid point, especially in the era of No Child Left Behind, which relies on uniform, standardized tests to determine whether or not a kid has learned enough material to advance to the next level. But it's not that simple, is it? Because life is not just about passing tests; it's about applying oneself. You have to show, not just tell, that you know how to use the information you've been taught. Take driving for example. You can pass all the written tests at the DMV, but if the instructor determines you can't drive a car safely on the road test, then you don't get your license. You can train and train and train for a championship game or race, but if you can't perform when it counts, you don't win.

There is a difference between training and learning. Collin is potty trained -- he can identify all the parts of the equation, he knows the steps and will recite them, he is able to do all the physical tasks required, including undressing and dressing himself and standing up to go pee -- but he is not potty learned. He has not learned to resist the urge to keep playing and use the bathroom, even though he knows this is more efficient in the long run. He has not learned to tell a grown-up when he has to go, even though he knows he should. He has not learned that being wet and dirty and smelly is undesirable. Back to the teacher-student comparison, I remember parents making comments like, "But I thought you taught Johnny the difference between 'affect' and 'effect' and how to write an introductory paragraph." I did. He was taught/trained, but that doesn't mean he learned. See the difference? Teaching is extrinsic; learning is intrinsic.

And this is where his sister might have an easier time with potty learning rather than simply training, despite her two-year age deficit. She does care if she's dirty. She does let me know when she needs to be changed (or most recently, when she wants to use her potty). These are two aspects of the whole potty process that have never clicked for Collin. And until they do, he is going to continue to ace the tests but fail the class. As frustrating as it is, it's not my problem anymore. I just have to keep encouraging him to find that inner motivation to put this whole thing to bed once and for all before his baby sister shows him up. Maybe that will do it for him, who knows? He does thrive on competition already.

Another Gorgeous "Winter" Day!

65 in February? I'll take it! After peeking outside for a minute this morning, Collin exclaimed, "Today is a fine day for the playground!" I was just waiting for a "isn't it, Mum?" So, we had some lunch and met up with our best friends at the park per Collin's suggestion.

Such a tough guy all tatted up with lions and hearts. Lionheart. That's my Collin!

Johanna and Diana (and baby sister still baking 'til June)

Toasting marshmallows in a stick fort they found. Aw!

Goofball!

"Coolest CRAYON in the BOX" Yup, I agree!

It was tough to head home after such a great time, but people need naps around here. That doesn't necessarily mean everyone actually naps, though. Mr. Collin is getting feistier about sleeping during the day. I know my 2-kid napping days are limited, but I do cherish that hour or so that I get about four days a week. Today he was allowed to skip since we got home kinda late, and it was so nice out. We hung out on the front steps and blew bubbles while Miss O got her second beauty rest of the day (yup, back to two naps lately because of molar teething keeping her up at night...no rest for the weary mama!).

After bubbles and dinner, I took the kids over to Tumbles for open gym where they ran around like crazies, jumped on a bouncy ball, climbed ladders and mats, dangled from rings and bars, slid down slides, rocked in a boat, and navigated a couple of tunnels and obstacle courses. Phew! I'm tired just writing this stuff. Needless to say, bedtime was a cinch, especially for no-nap Collin. Four pages into his second story, he had peaced out. :)

Funny Faces!

We don't watch Yo Gabba Gabba on the regular, but when we do, one of Collin's favorite segments is "Funny Faces." The kids featured taught him all he knows about stretching out his mouth and sticking out his tongue for a laugh. Olivia's go-to funny face is the old-fashioned wink. Crazy kids!

Incidentally, I asked Sampson to make a funny face, and this is what we got:

Quote Book Needed!

 Collin's before/after haircut today. What a handsome boy!

Three-year-olds are the masters of The Whine for sure. My favorite is when a crocodile-teary Collin puts together a string of actual words that come out like drunken moans, and then he looks at me with the expectation that I will not only translate his gibberish but also give in and deliver whatever it is that he wants. Right now. But when Collin isn't whining, he is saying something incredibly cute or heartfelt or funny or insightful, which is what makes age three pretty cool. Take my facebook status today, for instance:

Collin: I love my sissy. She's the only sissy I ever need. And when she grows up, she'll tell me the truth.
Mommy: The truth? What will she tell you?
Collin: That she loves me too.
[I swear, I couldn't make this stuff up! That's why I'm writing it down before I forget. *smile*]

 At lunch we were talking about food allergies and getting stuck (common topics around here). I told Collin he couldn't have a bite of O's sandwich because it had eggs (mayo) and cow milk (cheese) in it, which would make him sick, just like Mommy gets sick when she eats banana or pineapple. You know what he said? "If you eat pineapple, Mommy, you'll have to go to the hospital, and they will have to fish it out of your esophagus." Yes, he said "fish it out," which is the first time I think he's used figurative language to describe something. The fact that he used the word "esophagus" doesn't surprise me; we talk GI anatomy all the time, and he knows that the esophagus carries food/drink to the stomach and then the intestines and out as #2, and he knows the trachea carries air to the lungs for breathing.

 
What he doesn't know yet is that he has two rare conditions that affect his upper GI system, but from what he said about the pineapple and the hospital, I'm guessing he is starting to figure it out. The only time we went to the ER to have food "fished out" was back when he was just 17 months old, so there is no way he'd remember that, yet he associates allergic reaction with getting stuck with going to the hospital with removing the food that is blocking the food pipe. The pieces are coming together in that busy brain of his. It's only a matter of time when we'll start to explain that there are actual names for what he is describing and that other kids are EA/TEF and have EE too.

Olivia is figuring out how to express her thoughts more and more as well. Her latest words are windy ("money"), Ernie ("eye-ee"), get down ("dee-dun"), and bubble ("bub-oo"). She also ditched her Robeez that helped her learn to walk for some big girl, Converse-type sneaks.

Anyway, I need to get a cute, little quote book to jot down some of the creative one-liners these kids say (or quick gestures they make) that I can reference without having to turn on a computer, go to a page, and type. Who knows? It might make for a best-selling book one day. And even if not, its value to me (and later to my kids) is far beyond the millions of dollars those famous writers make. God, I love my little ones!

Sadly, there are too many moms out there who don't have the opportunity to write down any more words because time with their babies was cut short. Heaven got another angel this past weekend when W.E.B. received his wings. He was exactly one month younger than Olivia. My heart is breaking for his mom, my friend. There are no words for this unpredictable and most unfair part of life. You can bet I will be squeezing my babies extra tight tonight. RIP, sweet boy. ;(

Leading up to V-day...

...Olivia and Collin had an awesome time at Miss Emma Katherine's 3rd birthday party on Saturday! Yoga + Dora = FUN! The best part was watching Olivia fitting right in with all the other kids, sitting on a stool and coloring, marching around in a circle, listening to a story, and eating cake with a fork by herself at the table. She really is a kid now!

...I visited Collin's allergist's new place -- looks like he is on the verge of discovering some new information about Collin's allergy disease through clinical trials and labwork. I feel so lucky to live where we do so that Collin gets the best possible care for his condition(s).

...Collin finished up his portion of the valentines (cutting, painting, and stickering) while Mommy did the embellishments. Yay for leftover noses from my Christmas reinbeers! V-day party at school was great -- he brought home lots of yummy treats that he can eat without having to worry about his EE flaring up as well as a new teddy bear that he named Hooshoo. No whining about naptime today, as he couldn't wait to sleep with Hooshoo for the first time. :)

...Olivia swung unassisted on the hanging rings at her gym class today. The girl has some major upper body strength at 15 months! Collin couldn't hang from a straight bar until at least 18 months. She has added the snake sound to her list of animals and says "hey" for heart. Go Livi!!

Happy Valentine's Day! Mike and I have been officially together for 13 years now, and we love each other just as much, if not more, than in those early days. It's a better, deeper kind of love, you know?

Collin's Valentine's Day booty from school.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Growth Stats

Oliv had her 15-month checkup today. She's a growing girl! At 24.5lbs (75th percentile) and 32.5"(90th percentile), she is following the same growing curve since birth. Her head circumference is also following the same pattern: big. The doc checked eyes, ears, nose, breathing, etc., and it appears that yucky croup is gone. Yay! For obvious reasons the two shots she got today were no picnic, but a lollipop made everything right in the world again for Miss O.

I can't end this post without mentioning Mr. Collin's stats to date: 38lbs. and 40.25" puts our size 4T kid in the 90th percentile for both categories at age 3 and 3 months. I knew he was feeling a little more hefty going up the stairs lately (he still insists that I carry him to bed every night). So, I have two healthy, happy kiddos - life is good for this mom!

Baby to Toddler, Toddler to Kid

Diana was making fun of me today because of something I said on the playground yesterday. This lady's kid kept referring to Olivia as a baby. "No, honey, she's a toddler," the mom corrected her two-year-old. Somewhere deep inside of me a small voice made its way out of my mouth. "No, she's only 15 months old. She's still a baby!" Because she is. The little girl was absolutely correct in calling her a baby. I know she's walking around all toddler-like, and she wears some 24-month clothes, and she tried painting today, and she uses a stool to wash her hands. But when I look at that face, I see my baby girl, the one who, who, who...damnit, I can't even remember what she did when she was a baby, and that makes me a little sad. Letting go of the baby days is harder this time around; on the other hand, the emerging toddler stage is proving to be pretty exciting and fun!

And then there's Collin. No matter how much I want to keep him a toddler, it's time to face the music that those days are SO two years ago. He was watching Rescue Heroes: The Movie this afternoon (think firefighters elevated to superhero status) and commented, "I like this movie because it's a kid show, not a baby show." Wait, what constitutes a baby show? Is he over his old shows? When did this happen? (He's not done with Sesame Street and the like, btw...far from it...but I guess he is noticing a difference in target audiences.) Anyway, as you can see in the picture at the sink above, at 40+ inches he can reach the water without a stool (even more so in the upstairs bathroom where the vanity is shorter). He also took a crack at scissors for the first time today and did a great job! I showed him how to hold the scissors and gave him some brown construction paper to snip away (because who really uses brown construction paper?). Here's a video of him going to town. Note the Jennings tongue working overtime. :)

 The boy even cut out a heart by himself. All I did was guide his hand through a few for practice, giving him a line to follow. The orange one was all him (see pictures below). He is going to cut out more hearts tomorrow, paint them, add stickers, print his name on the back, and call them "valemstimes." His pronunciation couldn't be more appropriate. They won't be fancy, but they will be homemade relics of this moment in time.

After Nap

We have a little after nap ritual that began as soon as the kids' naps started to overlap a few months ago. Whoever wakes up first goes into the bed/crib of the other one when he or she wakes up to say hello, cuddle, roughhouse, etc. Today it was Olivia in Collin's bed (usually it is the other way around). It was also the first time she got down off his bed by herself successfully! She's really a toddler now. :)

Tomorrow is supposed to get cold, like real winter temps in the 30s and maybe a dusting of snow, so we took advantage of getting outside again in the nice weather. Collin and Johanna were all fun and games until he threw dirt into his own eye and made himself cry and then a stick that hit Jo in the face and made her cry. [God, I hope he learned his lesson about throwing crap...we've been over it a thousand and one times and just as many naughty corners, but sometimes it takes a little dirt in your own eye to realize that, yeah, it really hurts when things hit you in the face, which means it will hurt someone else, which means don't throw stuff! Geez.] Yup, two wailing children was the cue to go home! At least Olivia was able to stay out of it all. Btw, she is sounding much better today. A couple more days, and she'll be back to normal, I bet.